I am always super quick to say, “No” and I think there are a lot of other people who can relate. Do you do it or know someone who does? I’ve come to realize it’s my armor for protecting myself when things feel out of control…which is pretty much always. This is especially true as it relates to parenting. I can’t speak for why others do it. Interestingly enough, saying “No” all the time really doesn’t keep things from getting out of control, it just limits joy. Thus, I’ve been working on saying, “Yes” more often.
It’s kind of hard sometimes and I can feel the anxiety swelling up, but for the most part I can’t think of anything bad that has happened as a result of saying yes. Most of the results of saying yes are fun and happy times. Such as letting AK and her friend go play on the slip and slide when it’s raining. It’s not thundering or lightening, it’s just raining. Why say no? They are going to get wet anyways. Turns out they had a blast and nothing bad happened.
Sure, go paint unsupervised! Ok, go bake some cupcake and add all the “secret ingredients” you want! As it turns out, saying yes to these kinds of things are actually quite liberating and quite good for my daughter too. She is learning to depend on herself. Saying yes to painting unsupervised doesn’t mean, yes you can go spill a gallon of paint on my carpet. It means you know the rules to painting unsupervised and I trust you enough to follow them, now go have some fun and create. Which is exactly what happened! As for the cupcakes…not one person died from eating them. In addition, I think my daughter got a little more comfortable in the kitchen fixing things for herself…heck yeah! I’d consider that a win.
There are other aspects of life I’m working on this whole yes thing…work, relationships with friends and family, and finding time for myself. Some days and weeks are more challenging than others, but overall learning to say yes is a HUGE step in finding joy and oddly in feeling less anxiety.
Have you had any experience with this? Any tips or suggestions?