Self-Confidence in 6 Steps

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In order to take charge in your life and get where you want to be, you have to believe you can. That means you have to have confidence in yourself to do so. Thus, I wanted to talk about self-confidence. If you know you are awesome, no need to read any further. If you sometimes doubt, then keep reading.

I cannot stress enough the importance of self-confidence. Being confident does not mean you will never have self-doubt. Self-confidence is also not the same thing as arrogance. Self-confidence is about knowing yourself. Self-confidence is about appreciating yourself and being comfortable and secure with who you are, all of you. Self-confidence is self-worth, it is about knowing you are worthy.

There were many years of my life where I had very little self-confidence. When I was young my self-confidence was so low that I honestly believed if a boy spoke to me it was a joke. I always had my guard up waiting for the punch-line. After I graduated college, I started working on my confidence and it took me years to figure it out and I’d like share with you what I learned.

  1. Accept Responsibility

You have to accept that it is up to you to change. There is no white night riding up to fix things. You are in control of you and you have the power to fix you.  Even if someone else tried they couldn’t. It has to be you who fixes you. Accept it is your responsibility.

  1. Fix the Self Talk

This one takes practice. You have to consciously change the voice in your head. You need to squelch the voice from knocking you down. If you have someone in your life who feeds the self-talk, then if possible you may want to create distance or address the issue with them. And remember if they are putting you down, it is usually the result of an issue they have and has little to do with you.

Here is a game you can play to help fix the self-talk. It takes time and it takes practice, and it may sound silly, but it works. When you find your inner dialogue going negative and beating you up, telling you about all you did wrong – STOP. Then consciously go positive. For every negative thing you tell yourself, find at least one positive counter point to tell yourself. I know at first this can be hard. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like there is anything positive, but it is there, you just have to find it. I use to make myself come up with three positive things for every one negative thing.

  1. Positive Plays

Are there songs that make you feel good or remind you what you are working towards? If so, create a playlist filled with these songs. Get some positive, encouraging, kick ass things in your head. Music has an amazing way of putting us in the right frame of mind.

  1. Stop Comparing

Don’t compare yourself to other people. Your goals and objectives need to be based on what you want and who you want to be for you. If you compare yourself to others you will always fall short in the end because we can always find someone who on the surface looks more put together, more financially secure, more of whatever. The fact is they may or may not be, you really never know someone else’s real situation. You don’t know what they have or haven’t had to overcome and you don’t know what their inner demons are. We all have them and we all try to put our best foot forward in our own way and do what we can with what have. It’s not a race, it’s not a competition, we all get where we are going in our own time and in our own ways. Don’t compare.

  1. Accept the Imperfections

We all have imperfections, accept it. Own it and know that imperfections are a part of life and are what make us who we are. Our imperfections are sometimes the things the people around us love most. Your imperfections are what make you, you, and you are awesome. Imperfections make you human. Learn to laugh about your imperfections, own them, accept them as a part of you.

  1. Get the Toxic Out

You deserve to be loved and appreciated. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Unless you are the boss, you probably don’t have control over all the people you surround yourself with at work. In addition, we all know we don’t get to choose our family either.  However, even in those situations if there is a toxic person you can minimize your exposure. In addition, you also can stand up for yourself when someone crosses a line. You are worthy and deserve to be treated with respect. Remember when people are spending their time trashing you personally, it is usually because they have issues. Try to feel empathy for them, but don’t let their toxic inside you. You are worthy and surround yourself with people who appreciate you and your imperfections. This doesn’t mean kick people out of your life if they get frustrated sometimes and act like jerks occasionally. We can all do that, but if they are a jerk most of the time, you might want to create some space between you. Fill the space with people who appreciate you and build you up.

The bottom line is, you are in control and you rock. If you have a hard time believing that then you need to work through the steps above and make some changes. You deserve to feel good about yourself and you should. If you want a good life, the first step is believing you deserve it.

In addition to the steps above, if you really want to dive into the topic of self-worth I highly suggest you look up Brene Brown. She is pretty amazing. I would recommend starting with The Gift of Imperfection. And I don’t want to hear the excuse that you don’t have time to read. If you don’t have time to sit down with a book then get audible and listen on your way to work or whenever you find yourself in the car or out walking for more than a few minutes. You can always find time for what is important. You are important, so find the time to make you better. Here is a link, it is an affiliate link (my first). You can get the book in any form you like. Give it a go!  I am personally an audible gold subscriber. I’ve been a subscriber since 2011 and I love it. Try it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Until next time,

Tonya

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