Parenting, Relationships, Taking It On

Are you brave enough to say YES?

I am always super quick to say, “No” and I think there are a lot of other people who can relate. Do you do it or know someone who does? I’ve come to realize it’s my armor for protecting myself when things feel out of control…which is pretty much always. This is especially true as it relates to parenting.   I can’t speak for why others do it. Interestingly enough, saying “No” all the time really doesn’t keep things from getting out of control, it just limits joy. Thus, I’ve been working on saying, “Yes” more often.

It’s kind of hard sometimes and I can feel the anxiety swelling up, but for the most part I can’t think of anything bad that has happened as a result of saying yes. Most of the results of saying yes are fun and happy times.  Such as letting AK and her friend go play on the slip and slide when it’s raining. It’s not thundering or lightening, it’s just raining. Why say no? They are going to get wet anyways. Turns out they had a blast and nothing bad happened.

Sure, go paint unsupervised! Ok, go bake some cupcake and add all the “secret ingredients” you want! As it turns out, saying yes to these kinds of things are actually quite liberating and quite good for my daughter too. She is learning to depend on herself. Saying yes to painting unsupervised doesn’t mean, yes you can go spill a gallon of paint on my carpet. It means you know the rules to painting unsupervised and I trust you enough to follow them, now go have some fun and create. Which is exactly what happened! As for the cupcakes…not one person died from eating them. In addition, I think my daughter got a little more comfortable in the kitchen fixing things for herself…heck yeah! I’d consider that a win.

There are other aspects of life I’m working on this whole yes thing…work, relationships with friends and family, and finding time for myself.  Some days and weeks are more challenging than others, but overall learning to say yes is a HUGE step in finding joy and oddly in feeling less anxiety.

Have you had any experience with this? Any tips or suggestions?

Parenting

Getting Real

So It seems like every where we turn there are images and graphics to show us how perfect everyone’s life is. Right? I mean Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr… and like a thousand more it seems all provide us a place where we can post things we want to share and remember. And it’s only natural to post the good things, our “A side”, our hits. Occasionally you see some B sides, but let’s face it the majority is A side. Don’t you think?

Well my life, as wonderful as it is, it is far from all A side. I truly am grateful for the life I have. I worked hard to get here and I love it. But it’s not perfect. Like one think you will notice if you look at any of my social media pages is there are no pictures of me from the chest down, that is if I can help it. Why because I need to lose like 75 lbs.

In addition, one of the reasons I seldom post pics is because my house is such a wreck I can’t find a clean spot to have as a back drop. Matter of fact, my kitchen just this morning is the background of the graphic I’ve attached.


Our weekends are filled with a relentless cycle of trying to dig out of our mess. We are masters at foreboding joy until that day when we have it together. So wrong!
We moved in October and we still have boxes. Matter of fact, I still have a Christmas box sitting in my living room. Why? Because I’m lazy and don’t want to deal with it.

My daughter comes home with a school folder and every night we are suppose to initial and acknowledge we see the G that shows she has behaved well. We have so many blanks where we haven’t initialed. Truth be told my daughter, who is seven, told me she started signing her dad’s initials since we never sign it. When I looked at the initialed page, I couldn’t tell which were hers.

When I come home from work I often want to stick my head in the sand. We are suppose to come in do homework, dinner, reading, bath, bed. I am tired. My brain is zapped from work. I suck at resisting the whining. We get through the homework best we can. We get the bath. For dinner, it’s usually something horrible and quick. We have like horrible eating habits and my seven year old is learning them. Yay parent of the year!

Do we see these issues and want to fix them, of course. Sometimes we make steps forward and sometimes we make steps backwards and I’m ok with that. It’s life. Some days I feel like I’m failing at everything. And so there are times I withdraw from the world and as much adulting as possible and just veg. But after that I get up, re-engage, and start moving forward.

How about you? Do you only share the A side?

-Tonya