Self Acceptance, Taking It On

Shhh…its a secret.

Everyone has fears, right? Some are completely rational and some are completely irrational and we usually know which category they are in, right? And some are really no big deal and don’t impact our daily lives so we just carry them with us, perfectly normal. Then there are the ones that are so deep, we don’t tell anyone about them and many of them don’t face them. They are our own dirty little secret, our shame.

Well I’m about to let my guard down and get vulnerable, and tell you about mine. Talk about anxiety inducing! I have one big fear that holds me back and I’ve had it my entire life. I’ve done well hiding it and I’ll bet to some it will actually be a surprise. I have a massive fear of being seen and judged. Sounds silly, right? I think so too, but it’s true.

What do I mean by being seen? No, I don’t have a fear of seeing people at the store or a friendly hello in the hall. No, I have a fear of all eyes on me and being the center of attention and in my head what comes next are attacks. It absolutely petrifies me and as a result, I find an odd since of comfort in being invisible.

I am pretty sure I know exactly where my fears originated and I think I came by them pretty honestly, but this particular one has plagued me my entire life. Especially since it is at odds with my personality and I find it requires I keep myself small.

In my professional life, I have conducted training classes and I’m typically fine with that situation. I’ve been put in the situation to give presentations to a group of 200 or so people and I’ve muddled through, super nervous and held back. I tempered my passion, I hid my personality and I let the nerves win. I do this all the time. I think I’ve actually developed a bit of a social anxiety because of it.

I am trying to get over my fears and let me tell you it’s not easy. This blog is actually part of my attempt to start the process of getting over my fears. Can you believe people actually reading my blog petrifies me? Oh, and comments…. yep totally scary. Most scary part, what if someone I know reads it and comments! Ah!

So that is why I’m doing it. I’ve done some pretty hard things in my life. I am constantly researching and learning new ways to be better and reach new goals. I love sharing what I learn. As cheesy as it sounds, I want to make a difference. I want others to know they can do hard things too. I want my daughter to know she can do hard things. I want to be an example for her. I want to share what I have learned and share what has helped me get through some of life’s challenges. I know my grammar sucks, and I know people are going to judge and some may have nasty things to say and you know what that is ok. That is why I am here. How can you get over a fear if you don’t face it head on? So that is what I’m doing.

I’m taking a small semi safe step to quit hiding, to have an outlet to talk about things I find interesting and helpful, to maybe make a difference. So, if you read this comment, or share. Help me get comfortable with being seen.

Do you have fears? Have you overcome them or do you let them hold you back?

 

Thanks for reading,

Tonya

Parenting, Relationships, Taking It On

Are you brave enough to say YES?

I am always super quick to say, “No” and I think there are a lot of other people who can relate. Do you do it or know someone who does? I’ve come to realize it’s my armor for protecting myself when things feel out of control…which is pretty much always. This is especially true as it relates to parenting.   I can’t speak for why others do it. Interestingly enough, saying “No” all the time really doesn’t keep things from getting out of control, it just limits joy. Thus, I’ve been working on saying, “Yes” more often.

It’s kind of hard sometimes and I can feel the anxiety swelling up, but for the most part I can’t think of anything bad that has happened as a result of saying yes. Most of the results of saying yes are fun and happy times.  Such as letting AK and her friend go play on the slip and slide when it’s raining. It’s not thundering or lightening, it’s just raining. Why say no? They are going to get wet anyways. Turns out they had a blast and nothing bad happened.

Sure, go paint unsupervised! Ok, go bake some cupcake and add all the “secret ingredients” you want! As it turns out, saying yes to these kinds of things are actually quite liberating and quite good for my daughter too. She is learning to depend on herself. Saying yes to painting unsupervised doesn’t mean, yes you can go spill a gallon of paint on my carpet. It means you know the rules to painting unsupervised and I trust you enough to follow them, now go have some fun and create. Which is exactly what happened! As for the cupcakes…not one person died from eating them. In addition, I think my daughter got a little more comfortable in the kitchen fixing things for herself…heck yeah! I’d consider that a win.

There are other aspects of life I’m working on this whole yes thing…work, relationships with friends and family, and finding time for myself.  Some days and weeks are more challenging than others, but overall learning to say yes is a HUGE step in finding joy and oddly in feeling less anxiety.

Have you had any experience with this? Any tips or suggestions?